I MADE A SHOW!!!
I’ll be honest: I put a dangerous amount of emotional significance onto that evening and I was really setting myself up for a real let-down there.
But guys! It was actually perfect. I felt like a beautiful badass, people I never thought would come showed up, one person was jet lagged after arriving back from Boston that morning and one person CAME STRAIGHT TO THE SCREENING FROM THE AIRPORT! SHE WAS STILL WEARING HER SKI JACKET!
As I was on sabbatical in Germany – the reason this show got finished is I was able to take a few months off work and supervise post-pro full time – I flew into London just for the weekend and stayed in a hotel like a fancy person. I had one of the best breakfasts ever with A…
… which was lucky because I wasn’t going to be able to eat again until midnight from nerves!
I once made a list of things that made me happy, and “good hair” was definitely in the top 20 or so. YUP I GOT A BLOWOUT
This was when my nerves really started getting the better of me and I told A, who was NOT EVEN REMOTELY FREAKING OUT WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM to ideally not talk to me while I attempt my eye liner because I didn’t want to be snappy at him from stress, but I luckily realised within 3.5 seconds that there was literally zero probability that someone was going to walk away thinking “Yeah I mean the show was alright but uh why didn’t Ivy have good eye liner.”
I got compliments on my dope eye liner.
We arrive at the venue and they have sectioned off an area of the bar with MY SHOW’S NAME ON THE TABLE and we’re in an ACTUAL CINEMA and I AM HAVING A PREMIERE!!!
People start arriving and by the luck of a technical delay, I end up talking to everybody before we go and take our seats. I’d been nauseous from thinking about a speech all day (week), but getting to chat with everyone beforehand and realising that they were all there cause they were interested and supportive and not a single person was waiting for a ‘Gotcha, you embarrassed yourself!’ moment completely melted the fear away.
So believe me or not but… this is my normal talking speed
The show starts… and I immediately start silently ugly crying. It’s my show! I made a show! It’s on the silver screen in a damn cinema! All these people are here cause they believed in me! I am so glad my eye liner is waterproof!
There are few happier moments I’ve had than hearing the audience laugh at the jokes. Watching it as a viewer for enjoyment instead of with a critical eye felt completely new as well, and now I’m making the same muffled sounds as before but this time from laughter because you can’t be seen laughing at your own jokes. (Which you’ve seen 80-100 times before.)
It’s Episode 6 and… I *really* have to pee.
It’s Episode 7 and I *really really* have to pee.
It’s Episode 8 and too many cool things happen in all three of those eps for me to sneak out now, and I don’t want to disturb the audience, and oh my god I have to pee SO BAD I cannot possibly sit through the Q&A after…
Luckily I have selective inhibition, so after the credits roll, while the chairs are being set up on stage, I just, you know, tell everyone I gotta pee and will be right back. I’m relieved everyone finds it funny and not awkward (except A, he’s more of an awkwardness type guy)
The Q&A brings out so many amazing questions and responses I literally have anxiety about the fact that nobody filmed it and I can’t show it to anyone.
When Faye (who plays June) explains how much she loved the script and how great it was working with me I want to melt into a puddle of joy and tears and love and goo right there.
When someone asks about budget and I tell them the number – for non-filmmakers: I spent 3% of what the show would have cost to produce fully paid – I feel like the baddest bitch. My two favourite feelings!
Afterwards, my friends call me over to, yup, open the floodgates:
Someone calls me the next Shonda Rhimes
Someone says they’re convinced I’ll have an HBO deal one day
Guys let’s be very clear here I will be feeding off the positive feelings from this premiere for m o n t h s.
During the Q&A, someone asked me what the best part of making the show was. I said it was this one.
It really is.